Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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