Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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