i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
