I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
