Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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