so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
