yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
