His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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