And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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