alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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