im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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