Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
