12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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