I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
