I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
