she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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