Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
