I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
