I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
