My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
