I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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