Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
