At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
