she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
