The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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