Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
