Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
