My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
