Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
