just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
