Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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