R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i now understand why vodka
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
