I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
