his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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