First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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