Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
