There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
