Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
