Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
