just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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