I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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