i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
