I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
