well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
