I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
