I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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