I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
