He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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