are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
