Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
