I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
